this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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