I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
