I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
