My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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