in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I cut my penus on the lid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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