If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
