Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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