i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
