I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
