of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
