she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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