I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
