I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
