I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
