Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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