You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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