he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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