I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
