Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
