38 yer olds are good kisserssss
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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