the condom got lost in my hair
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
