I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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