I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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