ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
