I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
