i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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