Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
