I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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