guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize