Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
