Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
