Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
