Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
