Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
