I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
