): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
