whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
