I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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