Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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