so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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