Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
drinking out of a sandbucket again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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