i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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