I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
