dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
