I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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