He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
