how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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