all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
