i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
