He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
