Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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