i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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