Swine flu. Run for my life!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
