I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
