I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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