her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am midnight drunk by noon
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
