Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
did i just pee glitter
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize