I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
