i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
