Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
