Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
