I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
