how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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