If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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