honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
