i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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