what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found puke in my bra..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
