all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
