p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
