Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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