I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
