Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize