she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
