I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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