I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
