saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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