Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
