Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
