i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
