im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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