I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You ate ashes out of my bong
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
