I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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