im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
