At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
