i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
