$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
