no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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