Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
