Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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