so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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