Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
