dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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