We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
