i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize