I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
