I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
