This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
