yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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