So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize