you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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