I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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